Thursday, June 7, 2012

No Words Can Fix a Broken Heart

June 7, 2012: Please forgive me as I write this as I have no good words. People ask how Sy do you answer this? You spend a day with him and he appears to be doing great. He eats well, he jokes, laughs, plays....the 10 year old we all know and love. But inside is a different story. So when you ask, and any of us hesitate it is because we don't know what to say or how to explain it. Sy is amazing on the outside but he is dying on the inside. He is fighting and fighting, has beaten all odds given, continues to smile but is up against something so big! Tuesday Sy's most recent scan were read...the news is not good despite his amazing attitude. Sy's primary tumor in his liver is growing again and at a rapid rate. He has new tumors in his lungs...too many for doctors to count and growing rapidly as well. Doctors are now saying 4 good weeks before things start getting even worse. Sy recently started feeling worse, got a headache and even threw up (which hasn't happened in awhile). Because of this Dr's want to do a CT scan and are afraid the cancer may have spread to his brain. I know Sy and he is a pretty hard headed, strong willed kid so until I hear otherwise I am going to believe he was too hard headed to let that happen. But remember Dr's are not God and he has surpassed every expiration date they have given him yet and I will continue to find some hope because of this. Sy is a fighter and inspiration to everyone he has come across.

 I find myself more silent then ever. I do not want to talk, I just want to cry. I am too sad to even focus on the anger I have. I am trying to be strong not just for Sy but for my family but yet I find that more and more difficult. I am not a religious person but over the last 15 months I have spent time praying and trying to understand why. Recently I have been getting angrier and angrier when I hear people praying or asking for prayers for a job, a car and so on. I am sure God is an extremely busy man and those prayers take up more time then he has, time he could be spending on those who are sick and who need his strength. So next time you think about praying for something petty...please remember there are things out there bigger then you and people who need prayers more then you. So please take a moment and pray for Sy.


  1. Sy your have shown the amazing warrior inside of you, you can beat this babyboy... God never fails! i am at a loss for words but most important is PRAYER! I am praying for you everyday, i have lots of others praying, we all have prayer going around the world, your a CHAMP and i KNOW YOU WILL BEAT THIS, IN JESUS NAME!!!!!


  2. As you have learned by now, we cannot listen to everything the doctors say !! Some doctors told us our little girl would not see another Xmas...she saw two more !!
    They also told us things would start to get bad, that never happened. Cass was Cass right up till her last day..she was never in pain, never bedridden. The day before Cass passed was a normal day for Cass she was up bugging her brothers, watching tv, eating, drinking, wondering around the house, playing with her things she went to bed at 10:00pm after a very normal day, 11:00am the next day she was gone it was sudden, it was shocking, I am so thankful she did not suffer, so thankful she did not spend her last days filled with pain or bedridden. I would give anything though to have her back. I believe in miracles and I hope for a miracle for Sy, if that is not to be I hope he goes like my sweet angel did. The anger I totally get, Cass will have been gone for 29 months on the 11th I still deal with anger. Keeping you in my thoughts.

  3. This is such heartbreaking news. Please stay strong and know that many people out there are praying for Sy. We are praying for your family and most importantly little Sy.

  4. I pray for him everyday! My heart hurts for all of you. Your pain is too great too explain and I appreciate you posting.

    I'm so sorry the news isn't better. Wishing and praying for blessings and healing.