Monday, June 25, 2012

No Visitors

June 25, 2012: About two weeks ago we went to visit Sy and I witnessed one of the saddest things yet. Fun loving Sy was barely up for company and was not in the mood to have any fun. In a matter of a week, his mood has made a drastic change. It was so hard to sit there with him at lunch while he sat there in silence. Emotionally you can tell he has changed and is becoming depressed. It broke my heart seeing the sadness in his eyes. I would do anything to take his pain away, bring a smile to his face and a happiness back to his eyes. Since this last visit he has started to detach himself from people and doesn't want any visitors. I so badly want to be selfish, not listen to his requests and soak up every minute with him in hopes of making him laugh and making more more memories with the kid I love so much...but if he doesn't want visitors then I guess I will have to obey his request and hold my breath until his mind changes.

As I pray for Sy, I pray that nobody ever has to witness a child fight cancer.

Friday, June 15, 2012


June 11, 2012: Sy went to LCPH for a CT scan. With fingers crossed and high hopes for good results Matt, Sy and Veronica waited. Well when the oncologist first walked in his first word was NEGATIVE! YAY YAY YAY NO TUMOR IN HIS BRAIN!!! ...for those of you who don't know well Sy had an incident of vomiting and a headache that came out of nowhere one morning. Because this was new the oncologist wanted a CT scan on his brain to see if the cancer was spreading to his brain... well its not THANK YOU for something decent going his way! I know its just a glimpse of good news but at this point we will take any and all the good news we can get :) NEGU SY!!!! WE LOVE YOU KID!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

No Words Can Fix a Broken Heart

June 7, 2012: Please forgive me as I write this as I have no good words. People ask how Sy do you answer this? You spend a day with him and he appears to be doing great. He eats well, he jokes, laughs, plays....the 10 year old we all know and love. But inside is a different story. So when you ask, and any of us hesitate it is because we don't know what to say or how to explain it. Sy is amazing on the outside but he is dying on the inside. He is fighting and fighting, has beaten all odds given, continues to smile but is up against something so big! Tuesday Sy's most recent scan were read...the news is not good despite his amazing attitude. Sy's primary tumor in his liver is growing again and at a rapid rate. He has new tumors in his lungs...too many for doctors to count and growing rapidly as well. Doctors are now saying 4 good weeks before things start getting even worse. Sy recently started feeling worse, got a headache and even threw up (which hasn't happened in awhile). Because of this Dr's want to do a CT scan and are afraid the cancer may have spread to his brain. I know Sy and he is a pretty hard headed, strong willed kid so until I hear otherwise I am going to believe he was too hard headed to let that happen. But remember Dr's are not God and he has surpassed every expiration date they have given him yet and I will continue to find some hope because of this. Sy is a fighter and inspiration to everyone he has come across.

 I find myself more silent then ever. I do not want to talk, I just want to cry. I am too sad to even focus on the anger I have. I am trying to be strong not just for Sy but for my family but yet I find that more and more difficult. I am not a religious person but over the last 15 months I have spent time praying and trying to understand why. Recently I have been getting angrier and angrier when I hear people praying or asking for prayers for a job, a car and so on. I am sure God is an extremely busy man and those prayers take up more time then he has, time he could be spending on those who are sick and who need his strength. So next time you think about praying for something petty...please remember there are things out there bigger then you and people who need prayers more then you. So please take a moment and pray for Sy.